Recovery Coach Training

So a few weeks ago I was in the first part of the ICAADA training to be a Peer Recovery Coach. I wanted to tell you about some of the highlights, especially yesterday's walk through the hall of shame. It felt like a viewing you might go to after someone dies. I have pictures to add, but they will have to be posted later.
The topic yesterday was "Stigma". We broke up into 3 groups and each group made a list on large pieces of newsprint paper of the words that come to mind when you think about:
Alcoholics
Drug Addicts
Mentally Ill
Recovery.
Each group made a pretty extensive list.
Then we hung the lists up together in the meeting room across the hall from the classroom. We were instructed to walk through the room, single-file, silently.
The entire class walked through the room in about 15 minutes' time, then returned to our seats, still silently, considering the things we'd just read.
I will add the posters when I am able.
I think I can safely say that most of us were in tears after this reminder of who we had been, for so long. Even with so much time, so many years, between myself and the days of drinking and drugging, it brought back many painful memories.
I 'd believed the lies for so long, and run so hard after the (non-existent) rewards smoke and mirrors of the party-girl/addicts' lifestyle.In that room, with 2 dozen of our peers, we confronted our collective demons.

 Now, before I continue, I feel that I should tell you that not ALL of these adjectives described me, completely. But, yes; most did.
We discussed what had just happened. We talked about the stigmas of addiction, alcoholism, and of mental illness, all of which were represented in our group. Most of us saw our former selves on more than one of the papers.
I can't recall what my peers said, but the feelings were all the same: guilt, shame, sorrow, self-loathing, to name a few.
What I shared afterward, was that it felt a lot like when I did my first 5th Step. Writing the inventory wasn't so hard, but letting someone else see the labels I'd carried around, was terrifying. I was deeply afraid that all the things I'd thought about myself, even before ever picking up, would be confirmed as true
.But what I said then, was that I'm a little bit less of that person, every day that I stay clean. I never want to be her, again.
I will be eternally grateful for the Trainers and my friends who went on that disturbing walk through the "Wall of Pain" with me. We learned, that week, how to better use our pains to help the addict/alcoholics that God will faithfully our paths.

"A Right to be Angry"

I found this today, and it was very good. I hope you will be blessed, like I was. Something to chew on, for sure.

(Borrowed from www.shirleymcclay.com @ Sunny Glade)

 It’s from the book 1000 gifts by Ann Voskamp.  She’s asking the question ‘how do I see grace, give thanks, find joy in this sin-stinking place?’ When things are melting down really fast how does one find joy? Here are her words:

“What compels me to name these moments upheavals and annoyances instead of grace and gift? Why deprive myself of joy’s oxygen? The swiftness and starkness of the answer startle–because you believe in the power of the pit.
Really? I lay my head on the table. Do I really smother my own joy because I believe that anger achieves more than love? That Satan’s way is more powerful, more practical, more fulfilling in my daily life than Jesus’ way? Why else get angry? Isn’t it because I think complaining, exasperation, resentment will pound me up into the full life I really want? When I choose–and it is a choice–to crush joy with bitterness, am I not purposefully choosing to take the way of the Prince of Darkness? Choosing the angry way of Lucifer because I think it is more effective–more expedient–than giving thanks?”

For the next couple of days it simmered and stirred in me. And God told me that I actually have no right to anger. It may be deserved, I may be hurt, but if I have truly laid all of me down at the altar, if I am truly dead to Shirley and Christ is in control, then my right to anger and defensiveness is gone. The minute I choose them, I am picking “me” up and stepping out of “living in Christ.”

How often did Jesus get mad as he was living his life here on earth? The money-changers at the temple. He was angry for the sake of God and His church. Not for Himself. Not for how he was treated, misunderstood, falsely accused, mocked, looked down on, unappreciated, scorned, made fun of, and hated. If He is our example of how we should respond, then we need to have zero tolerance for anger towards our loved ones.

Ouch. Painfully high standard. Impossible for me. But with Him all things that He asks me to do are possible.  ”With Him” being the key. I have to accept the grace that He offers in that moment. When anger is rising up in me (call it irritation, hurt, offense, or whatever other label) I have a choice in that moment of whose power I will grasp. Will I choose God’s power (grace) and continue to abide in Christ, or will I choose Satan’s power which steals, kills, and destroys. My choice. On a minute to minute basis.

And really, what do I gain by choosing anger? Does it further me in any way? Do I reach any goals or desires by simmering and fuming? Do I become more like Christ? Am I storing up treasure in Heaven? What is the end of anger towards my loved ones… to steal, kill, and destroy. To protect “me,” to exalt “me,” to defend “me.” And to take from them. This is not His way. Our way seems right to us but it leads to death. His way leads to life.

The Boys Next Door - Norman And Sheila's Date

Here's a peek at the second movie I saw, recently. I almost lose my hope in ever finding movies that I'll feel-deeply-better after seeing. Then, I go and pick out a couple by myself, and praise God I hit pay-dirt TWICE.
This one is lighter than the other, overall, but also has it's moments that are hard to watch. The cast is GREAT and you will laugh until you cry. And you might just cry, too. Here's a clip, but you really oughta see the movie. This is only a tiny bit of it's goodness.

Taking a break

Sometimes, I indulge myself in a couple hours of mental vacation. More than usual. I'm not often one to sit through a movie, but this may have to do with the usual movies that the GUYS bring home.
Last week *I* brought home a couple. Sigh. It was pretty nice. The Big Guy watched the first with me, and the Boy watched the second. They were both really good, about the Human Condition, relationships, responsibilities, and Human Services-type stuff. I think you'd probably like them, too.

Here's the first. "Get Low", starring Bobby Duval, Bill Murray, and Sissy Spacek.

I encourage you to see it. It's not too heavy and not too light. Kinda REAL. Like life.

We grow... better, or bitter?

The choice really is ours. Knowing how easily I could be bitter about the past is a great thing: it absolutely sends me back running to my Lord for another scoop. Scoop of what, you ask?
A scoop of grace, a heaping scoop of forgiveness,  a pitcher of love...and gratitude-about a gallon, daily- for reminders of what I will become if I'm not DILLIGENTLY on guard against the flood of negativity we all face every day.
I need all those things and more, in practicing love and acceptance with the people in my life.
Thank the Lord for a BETTER perspective today. And for making my little porch garden grow. :)