And...some more training...

Last week I went to training (again), and I've got another week in which I'll be taking the exam.
God willing and my brain cooperates, I'll be a Community Health Worker/Certified Recovery Specialist when the grading is complete.
I am hopeful that this will open up doors for me that have previously been inaccessible.

So, I PASSED!!
Abbie W, CHW/CRS, that's me.
😀

Recovery Coach Training

So a few weeks ago I was in the first part of the ICAADA training to be a Peer Recovery Coach. I wanted to tell you about some of the highlights, especially yesterday's walk through the hall of shame. It felt like a viewing you might go to after someone dies. I have pictures to add, but they will have to be posted later.
The topic yesterday was "Stigma". We broke up into 3 groups and each group made a list on large pieces of newsprint paper of the words that come to mind when you think about:
Alcoholics
Drug Addicts
Mentally Ill
Recovery.
Each group made a pretty extensive list.
Then we hung the lists up together in the meeting room across the hall from the classroom. We were instructed to walk through the room, single-file, silently.
The entire class walked through the room in about 15 minutes' time, then returned to our seats, still silently, considering the things we'd just read.
I will add the posters when I am able.
I think I can safely say that most of us were in tears after this reminder of who we had been, for so long. Even with so much time, so many years, between myself and the days of drinking and drugging, it brought back many painful memories.
I 'd believed the lies for so long, and run so hard after the (non-existent) rewards smoke and mirrors of the party-girl/addicts' lifestyle.In that room, with 2 dozen of our peers, we confronted our collective demons.

 Now, before I continue, I feel that I should tell you that not ALL of these adjectives described me, completely. But, yes; most did.
We discussed what had just happened. We talked about the stigmas of addiction, alcoholism, and of mental illness, all of which were represented in our group. Most of us saw our former selves on more than one of the papers.
I can't recall what my peers said, but the feelings were all the same: guilt, shame, sorrow, self-loathing, to name a few.
What I shared afterward, was that it felt a lot like when I did my first 5th Step. Writing the inventory wasn't so hard, but letting someone else see the labels I'd carried around, was terrifying. I was deeply afraid that all the things I'd thought about myself, even before ever picking up, would be confirmed as true
.But what I said then, was that I'm a little bit less of that person, every day that I stay clean. I never want to be her, again.
I will be eternally grateful for the Trainers and my friends who went on that disturbing walk through the "Wall of Pain" with me. We learned, that week, how to better use our pains to help the addict/alcoholics that God will faithfully our paths.

Taking a moment to say thanks...

It occurred to me, that I've not gotten much interaction from my "followers", and I know that if I want to see something happen, oftentimes *I* need to step up. 
So, I appreciate you!! I know that many of you have similar struggles to mine, and others have loved ones who have been or are in my shoes. I just hope that you get some useful info or encouragement from this blog. 
I've been slacking in posting personal stuff lately, b/c I'm running on about half of my usual meds, and it makes for an emotional situation... My Sweety says I'm quicker to point out the negative in any given circumstance, which I equate with sounding more like my Mom...(ugh) and that's something I DO NOT want to do.
I'd imagine that the majority of people in my position have played the "I don't really need to be taking X, Y or Z! I can handle this" game, and stopped taking the medications prescribed to them. I personally have done that several times over the years, and although it's not always been purposely (Insurance & pharmacology being what it is), it has always ended with me seeing the difference in how my kids respond to me, and realizing that I can do better for them. This last time I was med-free, I told the Big Guy that if it were just ME, I might just go w/o them, to see what happened. However, it's NOT just me, so part of my caring for my family entails finding the humility to follow directions, even MORE. 
As we are still on the edge of the insurance abyss (Do we have it? Do we not?), I'm feeling my way w/o what the Dr.s say is necessary for my peak performance. I guess I'm willing to do what they say, when I can, For the simple fact that I know it makes life easier for my kids and my sweetheart. 
Someday, who knows?
Anyway, I am so very grateful for you coming over and doing life with me. Please leave a comment so I know who you are. :)  

My experience, strength (?) and hope...

Ok, while I'm thinking about the insurance headaches, the medical professionals' (Occasional overall, I suppose, but WAY too often in my experience) condescension and overall suspicions of anyone who  *USED TO* abuse drugs. And, for the record, can I just mention that if I wanted to get ahold of drugs, I'd surely not be stupid enough to admit UP FRONT that I used to have a problem, now would I? AND while I'm venting, I never wanted LEGAL drugs, ANYWAY!!
Where was I? Oh, Insurance.
I'm quite certain that they give you a nonfunctional/wrong phone number and BROKEN website URL, in the hopes that you'll DIE before you find a way to get ahold of them. I've thought about this before, in dealing with various Government departments, and I'm not even a little bit persuaded otherwise.
Call me crazy if you want, but I'm just biding my time before I can get the Hell outta Dodge. If you see me on fb, you probably know what I mean.

God bless you and I pray you have all the health and blessings that you can handle.  :)

Questions Wounded Wives Ask

 I've been looking thru some of the blogs I've liked in the past, and haven't gotten to in TOO long. This one is a valuable resource for women who have been betrayed, and women who want to avoid being betrayed in relationships. 

Renee, you’ve been telling us about the WIFEBOAT Online Support Group you’re starting on August 25th.  What sort of topics will you cover in this program?The WIFEBOAT Online Support Group will be 2 hours a week for 12 weeks.  After we take some time to share our stories, each session will have a short teaching on subjects relevant to their recovery–boundaries, wounded femininity, children and family issues–then we’ll have a group discussion on how this issue is affecting each one. I even have a special guest facilitator planned–my husband Joe will be on hand for a session to give the women a man’s perspective on all of this.

You mentioned “Boundaries” as one of the topics you’ll be teaching on.  What are boundaries, and why do they matter?Boundaries are important because they define what we will allow and what we won’t allow.  Boundaries are for correcting an attitude or action of disrespect and are used to protect us from any future wounding.  When someone violates boundaries by breaking a marriage covenant with sexual sin, it’s like they’ve stolen something from you.  So, in order to correct that and begin restoring trust (part of what was stolen) in the marriage, boundaries have to be communicated and respected.

What sort of emotions do these women go through?The women usually report feeling like the bottom has completely dropped out of their lives.  Life as they knew it is gone, and they feel lost. They feel angry, everything about their identity is challenged–their identity as a wife, their identity in their family, in the community, even their sexuality–is challenged. A lot of women report physical pain (stomach ache, headaches), emotional pain (depression, can’t stop crying); they go through some serious trust and anger issues, and experience symptoms of grief.

How hard is it for them to finally forgive their husbands?I think most wives who are wounded by their husband’s sexual sin want to forgive their husbands, but most struggle with how and when.  An important distinction is the difference between forgiveness and trust.  Forgiveness can be given–by God’s grace He enables us to do that–but trust has to be earned.  Depending on the husband’s attitude about what he’s done, his wife may be able to trust again as he shows consistency in his own recovery over a period of  time.  But forgiveness is a process too — of facing what’s been done to us and giving it up to God as a fragrant offering.

Can a marriage ever really be healed after a husband has committed adultery or used pornography?First let me say that the process of restoring a marriage damaged by sexual sin isn’t for cowards.  Sometimes, despite the best efforts of one partner or the other, the marriage doesn’t survive.  But yes, marriages have been healed and many times are better than they were before.  When a couple walks through this process right, then they will probably be communicating better, respecting each other better and will have grown in their faith.  Sometimes the rebuilt broken bond is stronger than the original one.  But don’t get me wrong, it’s a process that demands committment and maturity on the part of both partners.

So there’s hope?There’s always hope… because ultimately our hope isn’t in our own abilities or efforts.  Our hope is in God, who gives us the grace we need to perservere and who has the ability to bring depth and meaning to the things we go through in our lives.  We never have to be ashamed when we put our hope in Him! He is near to those who come to Him in truth and with a humble heart.-R

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