Forgiveness

As I sat listening to the man talking about it this weekend, it occurred to me that I had some forgiveness I needed to take care of.
It's been rather heavy on my mind, for a while, now: my sins as a Mother. I know that for whatever reasons,  most of the time since becoming a parent, I haven't felt like one. I've had times, of course, where I've felt overwhelmingly that I was a Mother. Good times & scary times.
So it dawned on me this weekend, as I sat listening to this man, that what I long for, deeply within, is forgiveness from my children. The next thought was that I had to forgive my own Mom.
As much as she's done for me -for us- I couldn't deny that there was still bitterness in my heart. I guess it's been there for so long that it'd become invisible to me.
The fact is, the feelings of love I have for her are so clouded with hurt and resentment that it colors all of my interactions with her.
I know that way back when I last did a 4th step, I'd addressed those things. However, I'd allowed those things to subtly creep back into my mind, my heart, and my relationship with not only Mom, but others in my life, as well.
I apologized to my husband and my boy as soon as I could. The resentments were poison that I was unintentionally spewing out onto them.
Admitting there was a problem was just the beginning. Now it's going to be my job to show the change in my heart...through loving. Loving Mom and respecting her with ny words and my actions.
How much closer can I really hope to get to God, until this sin has been dealt with? Yes, I said it. It's sin. It makes me crazy. Two really great reasons to get rid of it.
So, this is what I'll be working on, inside.
Have a blessed week, ok? :)