Recovery Coach Training

So a few weeks ago I was in the first part of the ICAADA training to be a Peer Recovery Coach. I wanted to tell you about some of the highlights, especially yesterday's walk through the hall of shame. It felt like a viewing you might go to after someone dies. I have pictures to add, but they will have to be posted later.
The topic yesterday was "Stigma". We broke up into 3 groups and each group made a list on large pieces of newsprint paper of the words that come to mind when you think about:
Alcoholics
Drug Addicts
Mentally Ill
Recovery.
Each group made a pretty extensive list.
Then we hung the lists up together in the meeting room across the hall from the classroom. We were instructed to walk through the room, single-file, silently.
The entire class walked through the room in about 15 minutes' time, then returned to our seats, still silently, considering the things we'd just read.
I will add the posters when I am able.
I think I can safely say that most of us were in tears after this reminder of who we had been, for so long. Even with so much time, so many years, between myself and the days of drinking and drugging, it brought back many painful memories.
I 'd believed the lies for so long, and run so hard after the (non-existent) rewards smoke and mirrors of the party-girl/addicts' lifestyle.In that room, with 2 dozen of our peers, we confronted our collective demons.

 Now, before I continue, I feel that I should tell you that not ALL of these adjectives described me, completely. But, yes; most did.
We discussed what had just happened. We talked about the stigmas of addiction, alcoholism, and of mental illness, all of which were represented in our group. Most of us saw our former selves on more than one of the papers.
I can't recall what my peers said, but the feelings were all the same: guilt, shame, sorrow, self-loathing, to name a few.
What I shared afterward, was that it felt a lot like when I did my first 5th Step. Writing the inventory wasn't so hard, but letting someone else see the labels I'd carried around, was terrifying. I was deeply afraid that all the things I'd thought about myself, even before ever picking up, would be confirmed as true
.But what I said then, was that I'm a little bit less of that person, every day that I stay clean. I never want to be her, again.
I will be eternally grateful for the Trainers and my friends who went on that disturbing walk through the "Wall of Pain" with me. We learned, that week, how to better use our pains to help the addict/alcoholics that God will faithfully our paths.

Coincidences?

Yesterday my youngest turned 14. It was a pretty good day, in that respect. I took us to lunch at our favorite China Buffet, we joked around and had a pretty good time. Big Guy & I got him a nifty t-shirt and the new Skillet cd, which went over WELL. :)
Then, after dropping him off at the other "parents'" home, I went on to work, a little later than usual.
We were watching Dr. Phil, talking to a young girl who was 7 months pregnant and tested positive for pot, coke, and heroin. She was in denial and so Phil showed her a video of what newborns go through when born to addicted mothers. They were going through withdrawal, and looked to be underweight, etc. The whole shebang. She was visibly shaken, as were the rest of us, viewing.
Shortly before that, on my way to work, I'd gotten a text from my older son telling me his heart pains were more intense and breathing was more difficult than usual. It's been increasingly harder for him to have any kind of normalcy in his daily life, for several months, now.
I told him to call and ask the nurse what he should do, and it was decided that he would go to the (IU) ER.
While I was watching the Dr. Phil show, it was ironic that this was the subject matter, on today, and this was going on with my baby.
I contacted my boss and was able to join my son in the ER after he'd been there for a couple of hours. I got to talk to him, but mostly I listened to him. He talked about how scared he is, but puts on a happy face, b/c "somebody's got to", and how he just wants to do normal things, that everyone else can do. He wants to be able to play soccer...but even if they give him a transplant, there's no guarantee that he'll be better afterward. (His "dad" is in the process of rejecting the liver he was given a year ago.)
I tried to be strong. I looked away, I talked about silly things with him. I tried not to give away how I was really feeling. I talked about the family dynamics with him...he talked about how he hates hospitals, and I said I feel the same...and I tried not to cry.
By the time I was about to leave, he'd been put into a room (overnight, thankfully, he got home-to Grandma's- this afternoon), and I was unable to get out without crying.
I wonder all the time whether he knows how much I love him. I am filled with regret when I think of the years of living in the subsidized apartments. Years of anger, despair, depression, and struggling just to maintain some small semblance of sanity.
I've thought many times of updating you all, but I've been, you know, busy working. That's the good news. Yesterday was just a bump in the road. God is good and He hears our prayers. I told B that there are a lot of people praying for him. He didn't reply, but that's ok.
I'm ok because I know Who's in charge.

I'd like to have more security. How about you?

"Do not stop thinking of life as an adventure. You have no security unless you can live bravely, excitingly, imaginatively, unless you can choose a challenge instead of a competence."
 -Eleanor Roosevelt

From the House Part deux

Hello! How are you this fine Wednesday morning?
I'm just this side of exhausted, but I just finished another cup of coffee a minute ago, so I'm hanging in there.
I thought that I would tell you about another of the residents, here.
There is an older gentleman who lives here named "Mick". Mick is a serious person and very intense. He never jokes (just ask him and he'll tell you, loudly). Mick also is narcissistic as all get out. EVERYTHING is about him. I guess we are all SO incredibly interested in all things Mick that he graciously fills us in on Mick trivia throughout the day: "I am not a criminal" "I have never been on a matress with a male or a female!" "I never finished school, I only got to the 9th grade" "In one year I had 24 different jobs." And it's not in a conversational tone, like, say "Rainman". It's BELLOWED across any great (or small, really) span that has any living person on the other side of it. Mick really just seems to enjoy the sound of his own voice more than anyone I can think of. 
 When his staff person takes him out to the store to do his personal shopping, even though the staff person is clearly nowhere near as old as Mick, or in any other way related to him, Mick often finds it necessary to yell across the store "You are not my wife!"
 Last week, while on the way home, the staff person was going 40-ish on a 35 mile an hour road and Mick called the police and reported that she was trying to kill him. Reckless endangerment!  
Mick has something wrong with one of his eyes, so that it's kind of looking slightly away fromthe other one. An accident, I think, caused this. Anyway, to hear him tell it, THE EYE (often it is pointed at and addressed as if it were a seperate entity-heck, maybe it is) is the reason for most of the things that happen to Mick. Note that it's not a matter of consequences of his own actions. No, no, no. Mick is absolutely a victim here. His brother, who is the legal guardian of Mick's affairs (I can just hear him now VEHEMENTLY denying EVER having had "ANY kind of affair with a man or a woman"), also supposedly abuses Mick. I'm not exactly sure how this abuse happens, but Mick is one who never forgets an imagined slight. Mick is clearly disturbed. At the moment, in fact, he is a temporary resident at the local "Stress Unit". (IE Psych Ward) It's unfortunate, because I have seen him at times actually being almost kind, completely polite, and even cracking a smile. (I think the last of those came when I surprised him with a carefully planned -very subtle-joke. It was fairly miraculous!)
It's not known at this point whether Mick will be returning to the house or going on to a safer environment (he often likes to berate the milder residents when they are careless enough to, say, sit inthe living room while he's home). If he doesn't return, I would just like to say that I enjoyed the Monopoly and Scrabble games, Mick. And I wish him (and his EYE) well.

Greetings from The House.

I'm sucking on my second delicious coffee since about 9 pm, and I thought this would be an excellent time to jot down some thoughts. Since I AM still employed at The House, I will give you some observations about some of the people I get to work (for) with. I want to preface that, though, with this statement:
Whenever there is a group of people living under the same roof, eating meals together, and kinda doing life together, they will tend to become like a family. Whether it's been a group of college kids sharing rent, or an intentional community, it would seem to be the way things are. This is not a good thing nor a bad thing. Maybe it's better than it is worse, I don't know. But as I have been allowed to watch and learn from the folks here at The House, I can see that it is even more apparent that we need each other. Us. Humans. I'm glad, today, that God created us for relationships.

In order to protect the innocent (or not so innocent) I will use ficticious names, here, of course. None of the names are of the actual residents.

Every one who lives in this place has some kind of schizo-affective disorder, (among other things) which is to say at any given moment, there's probably someone hearing things that aren't there. Lots of paraniod delusions, too, so we often have to assure our people that we are NOT poisoning them. (No comments about when I get to help cook, please. And thank you.)

I guess I'll start with my favorites, which are easily Bill and Jane.

Bill is about 50, a soft-spoken gentleman who is often paranoid, and prefers to let the person who cuts his hair, shave him. He will get a pretty good scruff going before he decides to go get "gussied up"- I like to tease him. I asked him last time if he was going to get a mani-pedi, too? He grinned at me, and said no. His grins start at his eyes and eventually spread over his whole face. 
Bill has paranoid schizophrenia, so every time he is in a vehicle we have to reassure him that "Yes, we will get there and back safe and alive." He grips the door and the cupholders while traveling.
One way we try to help him with this is to distract him while we're driving. Talking about the song on the radio is one way. Another is, when we go past the local "PNC" bank, we think of things the "PNC" might stand for. Bill thought of "Pretty Nice Chicks" once, and grinned. He clarified "I mean you know, like girls, chicks like girls." Pretty cute.
The first thing you notice about Bill, though, is the drool. He constantly drools. It's a side-effect of some of his medications, Unfortunately, it could give the impression that he's not too bright, but Bill is a smart guy. He told me that he studied architecture befoer he got sick, and checked out several books on blueprints at the library. I believe that he did. He's a smart cookie, under the mental illness.

Jane is tied for first place with Bill. She is also living with schizophrenia, almong other things. Jane talks about her thoughts falling out of her head all over the floor. She won't do to church because, as she explains it "what if I was thought-broadcasting and my thoughts flew out and hit, a Bishop, or the Minister, or something?" Jand is a delight. She is almost always smiling, and in a good mood. She comes off with some really random things, and she loves to go to the Dollar Store and buy stuff.
Jane goes to the Senior Center nearby and likes to hang out there. From what I hear, they fix lunch for them and also do a lot of crafts. Jane is a very crafty lady. Jane is about 65, but she wears her hair in a cute bob cut, and her mother still tries to boss her around. I guess some things are universal.

There are 6 other rooms here, but currently only 5 other occupants. We should be getting a "move-in" next week, which is sure to be interesting.

I love my job. I love being able to help people, I love being able to show them that I care, and helping them find solutions for their problems, even if it's the same solution, day after day. I will confide something to you, dear reader, but don't tell anyone. I feel lots of times, that I could easily have ended up in a place like this, where others get to tell you what to do, all day, and every day. Where not everyone recognises that you are a human, adult, and treats you with the respect and consideration that you deserve. I'm grateful that I have been able to get to this point with as sound a mind as I have.

But sometimes, I feel like I'm undercover. I'm really much closer to the residents here than anyone else needs to know.  ;)

Before I dash off...

Hi. I'm so ready to be able to sit down and tell you all that's been going on. The drama, the angst, the grace, the bullsh*t....You know, life. But, alas, I'm on my way out the door after a 13-hour day. I'm not sure when we're gonna have the luxury of the internet back at the homestead. I'll try to sneak out to the library tomorrow so I can fill you in a bit.
1. Still employed. Learning a LOT about "Lateral Hostility". Wow. and from a "Christian".
2. The boy's "dad" is recovering (still) from his liver transplant. So far, so good.
3. Thanks to the recent decision to give the child medication for the AHDH, he's doing GREAT at school. I'm very proud.

Gotta run. Love and hugs~
Abs

Catching up. A little.

It's been almost a month, and I have been SO very busy. You haven't been far from my heart, dear friends.
I have gotten through the official training phase for the awesome job, and now I am working on getting "the hang of it". I had to let my (ADD) secret out, after forgetting some fairly important things more than once. :C But, in the end, it has worked out, like always. I feel somewhat secure for the time being, because the new work schedule is out and MY NAME IS ALL OVER IT! lol
When we have internet at home, again, (not enough $ coming in took it's toll, as I know you can dig)I'll be able to fill you in a bit more.
With great sorrow I have to tell you that the Homeschooling has had to be put off...starting a new job and fighting with the boy to DO any schooling, has resulted in him going back to the evil public school. Yes, it's going to be a challenge for me to be pleasant in dealing with them.
They are currently "trying to get" an evaluation for him, through their OWN Psychiatrist. I don't know why, but our Dr.'s assessment laast year, of which they HAVE a note, will not suffice now. Yeah. So it will be up to 2 months before they can "decide" whether or not they will treat his learning disability for what it is.
I, in the meantime, have been looking into the legal aspects. Human nature is to take the path of least resistance, right? I am preparing to convince the school that THEIR best bet is to do what they are REQUIRED to. The boy's self-esteem took a beating last year, EVERY friggin' day, and that's not going to happen again. God help me.
The Big Guy is still working at the little diner, here in town, and getting to know most everyone in Edintucky. He's happy cooking, and I love that the little old ladies ask for him by name. (Who'd a thunk it?)
So, this evening I will be working to keep the nighttime safe for my residents. I'm going home when I finish this and will soon be napping, I hope. Got the coffee maker all prepared for a giant cuppa joe to take with me. (French vanilla/regular blend is nice.)
I've been feeling kind of isolated of late, but I know for sure that change is inevitable. At least with the job I am sure to interact with a few humans, there. By the way, staff is at least as much of a challenge (to work with) as the residents. But God's on my side. :)
Oh, and the Boy's "dad" had a liver transplant a couple of weeks ago and seems to be recovering well. I want to let myself hope that he will take this new life that he's been afforded, graciously, and use it...to, oh, I don't know, maybe PARTICIPATE in life. Namely, his boy's life. It would be wonderful if we weren't forever trying to un-do the insanity and stupidity that he teaches the boy on the weekends. (Yes, I think that about covers it. He is insane and...you get the picture.)

I'm looking for a cheap dehydrater, if you should know of anyone with a spare.

It's a mad mad mad mad world. And the inmates are running the asylum. *NEWS FLASH*

Don't watch this if you'd rather be surprised...

It's a mad, mad, mad, mad world....

Troops Ordered To Kill All Americans Who Do Not Turn In Guns
Watch this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FyfkQkchlu4 Published on Jul 16, 2012
Please spread the Word.

The UN Arms Trade Treaty that has been identified by observers as a flagrant threat to the second amendment and which Barack Obama is determined to sign has its roots in a 1961 State Department memorandum which explains how the United Nations will oversee "complete disarmament" of the American people under the ruse of preventing war.
The UN Arms Treaty has caused so much controversy because it outlines a plan to target "all types of conventional weapons, notably including small arms and light weapons," according to Forbes' Larry Bell. Former US Ambassador to the UN John Bolton also warns that the agreement "is trying to act as though this is really just a treaty about international arms trade between nation states, but there is no doubt that the real agenda here is domestic firearms control." A letter sent last month by 130 Republican House members to President Obama argued that the treaty should be rejected because it infringes on the "fundamental, individual right to keep and bear arms". The letter adds that "...the U.N.'s actions to date indicate that the ATT is likely to pose significant threats to our national security, foreign policy, and economic interests as well as our constitutional rights."
Using the rhetoric of the threat post by terrorists, insurgents and "international crime syndicates," the UN is busy trying to imply that all weapons are somehow involved in illegal activity on a global scale and should therefore be controlled and regulated by a global authority. This is precisely the same language used in a 1961 U.S. State Department briefing which outlined a long term agenda to carry out a "Program for General and Complete Disarmament in a Peaceful World."
Invoking the threat of nuclear warfare, the document spells out a plan to create a "United Nations Peace Force" that would "enforce the peace as the disarmament process proceeds." While the document initially focuses on scrapping nuclear weapons, it later makes it clear that the only groups allowed to own weapons of any kind would be governing authorities, "for the purpose of maintaining internal order," and the UN "peacekeeping" force itself, which would require "agreed manpower." "The manufacture of armaments would be prohibited except for those of agreed types and quantities to be used by the U.N. Peace Force and those required to maintain internal order. All other armaments would be destroyed or converted to peaceful purposes," states the document.
While the memorandum outlines a broader mandate to destroy national sovereignty, eviscerate national armies and institute the UN as the planet's supreme authority with a world army, the document serves as a stark reminder that the plan for the United Nations to oversee the abolition of the second amendment has been in the works for decades.
As Bell points out in his Forbes article, the threat of the Obama administration relying on a UN treaty to do what successive administrations have tried but failed to accomplish -- taking a huge bite out of the second amendment -- is by no means far fetched. After all, a plethora of UN treaties and international agreements have already stripped the United States of its sovereignty and its power to decide its own laws.
The power to authorize U.S. involvement in wars and conflicts has now been almost completely stripped from Congress and handed to the United Nations.·

No longer FUNemployed!

Tomorrow I begin the 1st of 4 training shifts!
Did I tell you what I'm doing? In case I didn't,  my official position is Behavioral Health Tech. I'll be subbing, to begin, and it may turn into a full-time gig. :D
The place is a Transitional home for folks who had been living in the state psychiatric hospital. I can't tell you how happy I am for the opportunity to be an agent for POSITIVE change in these people's lives. I pray that I will be a blessing every time I am there.
Thanks for all of your prayers.
Now my sweet man & I will both be 1/2 time employees! ! :)
Oh, and the Home-schooling adventure will also be beginning directly...
Woohoo!! 

Is it Fall yet?!

Whew. It's literally sweltering here, if that's possible. By 8 am it was close to 90 degrees and it's only gotten hotter as the day's progressed. But enough about me. Let's talk about ME.

True!!

I got the job!! I think I might be done with all of the gastro-intestinal distress I'd been having since interviewing, but it's too soon to be sure. (The Big Guy teased me about it being morning sickness. SUCH a comedian!)
Yesterday morning I got to "Shadow" a lady at the Transitional Home where I'll be working. It was fun, and I loved it. It seems odd to say that about something called "WORK", but I surely did feel like I was finally home. The residents were all pretty well-behaved, and the staff was all friendly as well. I heard that Monday had been an exciting and active day, but -maybe because "Tom" took his night-time pill in the morning-yesterday it was all good.
One of the ladies "Lulu", we'll call her, has been in a hospitalized setting for her entire adult life, and yesterday she was working on her plan to move into a 1-bedroom apartment. This is HUGE for her. I'm anxious to get to know everyone, and just from a few hours there, I'm already sure it will be a great thing. We took everyone but Lulu to the library (she was going to the Dollar Store, I think), and stopped on the way back for a Polar Pop. What a treat! :) One of the gentlemen regailed me with tales-more factoids, really-of New York City, New York State, and the many places he'd worked and also some about the weather in New York-not City, but State. I guess I asked for it by responding to his naming the song title of the music playing in the van. :) Then there was "Bill", who was looking sharp in his overalls and a constant line of saliva flowing off his lower lip.
I'm excited about having a place to go and make a difference. Funny that this came (1) so soon after helping my friend to get his feet back under him, and (2) after I'd finally concluded that I am making a difference in those I live with. I guess my confidence in THAT arena has been shaken, so I hoped to find somewhere else I could be a blessing. I know that this job will help me to be a better parent, again, as I will be practicing the communication and behavioral skills at work that'll help a lot at home.
Speaking of home, my youngest goes to his "dad's" for one more week and then it's back to 2 days a week ONLY. THANK GOD. We truly spend half of each week over the summer, after the boy comes back home, trying to get him to let go of the things he learns by watching the person he's with, there.
Crazy can certainly be learned, and we're fighting an uphill battle, to help him unlearn it once he gets home.
So, if you're a praying person, please keep us in your prayers. God's got this, I know, but we can't have too much help.
Ta ta for now.
 

To everything there is a season...

Hi. How are ya? I'm good. Better, even! :)
A couple of weeks ago I got a text from a friend who's been kind of out of touch for a while. Shane is one of those people who, as soon as we got to know a little about one another, we just clicked. He's had a place in my heart, like a brother. Another thing about Shane, is that he's got D.I.D.
So, when I got the text from him that day, it was a surprise. I didn't know what he'd been up to of late, but the last time I saw him in February (or March?), he looked bad. and. was. miserable. I hated to leave him that day but I know that if a person doesn't want help...I just reassured him that he's not  bad person because of making some not-so-great choices, and that when he wanted help to let me know.
He texted me 2 weeks ago today, and the Big Guy and I met him at the closest E.R....they transferred him to a hospital that was able to provide him the DD (Dual Diagnosed) help he needed. After a week there, he was in much better shape and we thought there was a place for him to go for some extended treatment. Turns out they were not prepared to have him there, but thank God someone suggested a place not too far away that did have a place for Shane. Between times, we got to have Shane say with us for 5 days.
I love helping people who are ready to do what they need to, and he's one of those. It was even more cramped than usual in our tiny little apartment, to be sure. But as unexpected guests go, it was really nice having him camp out for a while. The little one (E) was thrilled to have someone to play video games with, and the Big Guy and I were just glad to have our friend clean and safe again. At the first place, Shane was able to get on the medications that help him to handle to complexities of being him.
Big Guy & I each enjoyed having another Believer to share our thoughts with, and Shane even got to go to church with us Wednesday. Our Pastor has been a great help in this process, and God has obviously been working all along the way.
We don't know what's going to happen when Shane is done at the place he's staying now, nor do we know how long he will get to stay. One thing I know is that God will keep up His end of the deal (Being God and loving us), and we'll keep seeking His face.
Life is full of surprises, that's for sure. Today I got a call from a local Behavioral Health place that I applied for probably a year ago, to interview on Thursday. And tomorrow I'm hoping to see one of my best friends ever, who I only get to see once or twice a year.
So...tomorrow's another day. God is good all the time.

(Here's some more info, from psychcentral.net)

Dissociative Identity Disorder Symptoms

By PSYCH CENTRAL STAFF

Also Known as Multiple Personality Disorder
The presence of two or more distinct identities or personality states (each with its own relatively enduring pattern of perceiving, relating to, and thinking about the environment and self).
At least two of these identities or personality states recurrently take control of the person’s behavior.
Inability to recall important personal information that is too extensive to be explained by ordinary forgetfulness.
The disturbance is not due to the direct physiological effects of a substance (e.g., blackouts or chaotic behavior during Alcohol Intoxication) or a general medical condition (e.g., complex partial seizures). Note: In children, the symptoms are not attributable to imaginary playmates or other fantasy play.

• What is Dissociation? Do people really have multiple personalities?
• The Differences Between Bipolar Disorder, Schizophrenia and Multiple Personality Disorder
• General Treatment Guidelines for Multiple Personality Disorder
• Read more about Multiple Personality Disorder from Enpsychlopedia

"A Right to be Angry"

I found this today, and it was very good. I hope you will be blessed, like I was. Something to chew on, for sure.

(Borrowed from www.shirleymcclay.com @ Sunny Glade)

 It’s from the book 1000 gifts by Ann Voskamp.  She’s asking the question ‘how do I see grace, give thanks, find joy in this sin-stinking place?’ When things are melting down really fast how does one find joy? Here are her words:

“What compels me to name these moments upheavals and annoyances instead of grace and gift? Why deprive myself of joy’s oxygen? The swiftness and starkness of the answer startle–because you believe in the power of the pit.
Really? I lay my head on the table. Do I really smother my own joy because I believe that anger achieves more than love? That Satan’s way is more powerful, more practical, more fulfilling in my daily life than Jesus’ way? Why else get angry? Isn’t it because I think complaining, exasperation, resentment will pound me up into the full life I really want? When I choose–and it is a choice–to crush joy with bitterness, am I not purposefully choosing to take the way of the Prince of Darkness? Choosing the angry way of Lucifer because I think it is more effective–more expedient–than giving thanks?”

For the next couple of days it simmered and stirred in me. And God told me that I actually have no right to anger. It may be deserved, I may be hurt, but if I have truly laid all of me down at the altar, if I am truly dead to Shirley and Christ is in control, then my right to anger and defensiveness is gone. The minute I choose them, I am picking “me” up and stepping out of “living in Christ.”

How often did Jesus get mad as he was living his life here on earth? The money-changers at the temple. He was angry for the sake of God and His church. Not for Himself. Not for how he was treated, misunderstood, falsely accused, mocked, looked down on, unappreciated, scorned, made fun of, and hated. If He is our example of how we should respond, then we need to have zero tolerance for anger towards our loved ones.

Ouch. Painfully high standard. Impossible for me. But with Him all things that He asks me to do are possible.  ”With Him” being the key. I have to accept the grace that He offers in that moment. When anger is rising up in me (call it irritation, hurt, offense, or whatever other label) I have a choice in that moment of whose power I will grasp. Will I choose God’s power (grace) and continue to abide in Christ, or will I choose Satan’s power which steals, kills, and destroys. My choice. On a minute to minute basis.

And really, what do I gain by choosing anger? Does it further me in any way? Do I reach any goals or desires by simmering and fuming? Do I become more like Christ? Am I storing up treasure in Heaven? What is the end of anger towards my loved ones… to steal, kill, and destroy. To protect “me,” to exalt “me,” to defend “me.” And to take from them. This is not His way. Our way seems right to us but it leads to death. His way leads to life.

The Boys Next Door - Norman And Sheila's Date

Here's a peek at the second movie I saw, recently. I almost lose my hope in ever finding movies that I'll feel-deeply-better after seeing. Then, I go and pick out a couple by myself, and praise God I hit pay-dirt TWICE.
This one is lighter than the other, overall, but also has it's moments that are hard to watch. The cast is GREAT and you will laugh until you cry. And you might just cry, too. Here's a clip, but you really oughta see the movie. This is only a tiny bit of it's goodness.

Taking a break

Sometimes, I indulge myself in a couple hours of mental vacation. More than usual. I'm not often one to sit through a movie, but this may have to do with the usual movies that the GUYS bring home.
Last week *I* brought home a couple. Sigh. It was pretty nice. The Big Guy watched the first with me, and the Boy watched the second. They were both really good, about the Human Condition, relationships, responsibilities, and Human Services-type stuff. I think you'd probably like them, too.

Here's the first. "Get Low", starring Bobby Duval, Bill Murray, and Sissy Spacek.

I encourage you to see it. It's not too heavy and not too light. Kinda REAL. Like life.

A little something to think about.

Lee Grady: No More Spineless Christianity
http://www.ministrytodaymag.com/index.php/ministry-leadership/preaching/20128-lee-grady-no-more-spineless-christianity


The truth will set you free. First, though, it will probably piss you off.

Slooowwww Moooo...

Lately, I’ve been in slow-mo, as far as my blogs, especially. I think of them often, but haven’t made time for tending, much.

In 2 days, I get to (finally) go have some tests run to see (I guess) if there are any indications of permanent damage or possibly additional strokes in my future. Yeah, it’s kind of surreal to think of, but a little over a month ago, on March 20th, I had a stroke. A small one, to be sure, but nonetheless, the Dr. who knows these things, said that’s what it was. 

(Sorry if I've already told you this part.)

I woke up at about 3:30 and noticed that I was slobbering in my sleep. I wiped my mouth & laid on my other side & dozed off again…When I woke up a few minutes later, I realized that “apparently” my left arm was asleep, in addition to the left side of my mouth feeling like I’d had dental work done: numb, slobbery, and droopy. I thought “the Big Guy must’ve accidentally smacked me while we were sleeping?” No, it’s never happened before, but THAT had also never happened, so go figure. 

After checking it out in the bathroom mirror, I determined that this was something that would require waking up the Hubster, and possibly a trip to the E.R. 

This is probably as good a time as any to mention that, like more Americans than you might think, we have no insurance. This does make me think long and hard about any medical needs, as I am loathe to rack up bills that there’s little to no chance that will get paid. Hand-to-mouth doesn’t really leave much for other expenditures. 

Anyway, there is a free Medical clinic nearby and thank God they’re going to help us. Friday I’ll be spending the majority of the day being tested. MRI, EKG, Dopplar-something, and one more. The Dr. said that taking Omega-3 supplements is a GOOD thing.

After a little more than a month, I am grateful to tell you that my symptoms have just about 98% gone away. The mouth was better by the time we left the E.R. that morning, and I’ve been working with the fingers (Yeah, I’m left-handed, of course! lol) of my left hand and all but the last 2 are back to good. If I’m slow and very careful, I can write my name again, but typing is a slllooooowwwwww affair. That’s why I’ve been silent on my blogs, for the most part.

The other part of the recovery process is the mental and emotional part. I almost didn’t mention that, but in all honesty, it’s been as much of a struggle as the physical. I looked up everything I could find on strokes, right away, and there are definite things that happen as a result of having had a stroke. Depression was noticeably increased, and there is a lingering feeling of confusion…if you’ve ever watched Boston Legal, you’ll get this: word salad. A. Lot. <sigh.> But it’s getting better. 

I’m grateful that I’ve been walking with my God for long enough to know that He’s got this. Yes, it was scary, and I’m not at ALL interested in having it happen again, but I’ve had the peace that passes understanding through it all. 

My church family have prayed for me/us, and I’ve been stretching and working the muscles on my left hand & arm, as much as I know how to…In another couple of months, there will be no sign of it ever having  happened. 

Good thing, cos I’ve got LOTSA stuff to do, yet. 

So, what’s new with you? 

I don't really have a standard to compare my mental status with, now do I?

Hiya, gang! I'm checking in to let you know that I've NOT forgotten you! No, not even a little bit! The nice dr. that I saw a couple of days ago tells me that on the 20th of last month (March, if you're keeping track), I had a kind of a stroke. "TIA" I think is what they call it. ("TAI"?) What this means to you, dear reader, is that I've not been able to get enough function back in my left hand (YET) to be able to justify the time it takes to type a little. After 3 weeks, though, other than typing, I've gotten most of the use of it back. If I'm verrrry careful and go verry slowly, I can even write again. (VERRRRY) It took about a week to be able to wash my own hair, about 2 weeks to tie my shoes, and now it's all pretty good except for the fine motor stuff. Doc says it's good that I've begun taking fish oil (for Brain repair), and, being me, I'm thinking I probly shoulda been gulping those suckers down a LONG time ago. lol
Anyway, I did the speech-to-text tutorial this morning on the laptop, and I'm hoping to be able to start blogging again on a semi-regular basis, soon.
I have a whole new understanding of why old people are SO FREAKIN' SLOW!! Jeez. I guess I was due for another couple of  lessons in patience & acceptance.
So, that's the latest. As usual, my Big Guy has been my rock and a big helper ;) through out. (Only lost a FEW chunks of hair when he helped me wash it! lol) I'm pretty sure I'm not a great patient, and I appreciate him more every day.
Oh, and it's worth mentioning that the good Dr. said I need to quit the b.c. pills now, and start taking aspirin on a regular basis. Not so sure the un-hormonally-balanced me is gonna be very good for ANY of us, but....we'll see. I'm taking orders from my superiors, today.
Here's a thought for you, just in case you're curious about how things are, in a little more detail, in Wonderland: The next time you're in the bathroom, try wiping with your OTHER hand. Not feeling that brave? Ok, then just brush your teeth with the "wrong" hand. Yeah, fun, huh? So, it's been a challenge, but nothing God's not been right beside me, for the whole ordeal. THANK God for a sense of humor. : D
Love and clumsy hugs

You may be right. I may be crazy. But...bite me.

I found this recently, and I knew I'D want to read it again at some point. 

 I thought you  might want to, too. 

54 UNIQUE BENEFITS OF HOMESCHOOLING

By Joel Turtel

April 22, 2008

www.NewsWithViews.com

Parents, is homeschooling the right choice for you and your children? Maybe you think you don’t have the time to homeschool because you work. Perhaps you don’t have confidence in your ability to teach your kids because you never took “teaching” courses.

But consider the alternative. Public schools can destroy your children’s self-esteem, destroy their ability to read, strangle their love of learning, put them in physical and moral danger, and wreck their future.

In contrast, here’s 54 unique benefits homeschooling can give you and your kids, as written and explained by Laura B., a smart, wonderful wife, mother of three, homeschooler, and business owner who works from home and still focuses on her family!

Homeschooling (or low-cost internet private schools), can have the following extraordinary benefits for you and your children:

1. Be with Your Family
2. Set Your Own Schedule
3. Vacation When You Want
4. Choose curriculum that best suits the needs of your child
5. Be totally aware of the state and progress of your child's education
6. Keep your child away from un-necessary peer pressure
7. Keep your child away from the bad influence of other children
8. Love, nurture, and teach your child the character and morals you value most
9. Make learning fun
10. Make learning as "experiential" as you want
11. Don't have to get up at the crack of dawn to get your child dressed and fed and off to school where their so tired they don't learn well anyway.
12. Break up the day however you want to fit your child's learning attention span
13. Teach your child without any "assumed limitations". Teach multiple languages, develop one skill or subject--the sky's the limit
14. What you teach an older child naturally filters down to the younger child(ren) making learning must easier and faster for siblings
15. Teach at the pace and developmental stage appropriate for your child
16. Avoid educational "labeling"
17. Keep you child as far away from drugs as possible
18. Never have to worry about bomb scares or mass shootings
19. Allow your child to do think, discuss, and explore in ways not possible in a classroom setting
20. Constant positive reinforcement and gentle correction. No abusive words or actions that scar your child's psyche
21. Don't use the school system as a babysitter. You only need a few hours for learning--the rest of the day is filled with unnecessary "busy work"
22. Develop life skills such as cooking, cleaning, and organizing that are easily learned with the additional time spent at home
23. Spend as much time outdoors as you want to enjoy nature and the world around us
24. Teach the value of responsibility by providing daily jobs
25. To make money management as natural as breathing by allowing even small children to do tasks, earn money, save it, and spend it in an appropriate manner.
26. Never have your child beat up by a bully. Teach self-defense skills that will enable him to deal with any situation but not until he is mature enough to handle the emotional aspects of confrontation
27. No pressure or set "expectations" from teachers on a younger sibling that follows an older sibling in the same school
28. Be around when your child needs to talk
29. Take a break when your child needs a break
30. Bond as a family through family group activities
31. Pass on your religious beliefs and morals to your children and stay away from the "indoctrination" of other school systems
32. Teach sex education when you and how you want
33. Develop your child's imagination and teach diverse problem solving skills instead of one institutionalized method of thinking
34. Unlimited possibilities for extra curricular activities that interest your child having to live up to the expectations or skills of others.
35. Develop the individualism of your child
36. Avoid traditional school "group activities" that may leave one student doing all the work or ruining it for everyone else.
37. Never have your child feel the failure, embarrassment, or teasing from "failing" a grade
38. To keep your children out of the care, custody, and control or people you don't know and who naturally teach their philosophy of life whether they realize it or not
39. No opportunity for your child to "sluff off", "snow-blow", or "just get by" with academics
40. To have your child learn initiative naturally as there's no peer pressure or fear of embarrassing himself
41. Allow your child to have input and say in subject matter and style
42. Allow your child to focus on growth and development--not following the latest fad or being in a certain group
43. So your child will only be surrounded by people who love him, encourage him, and want the best for him.
44. Make sure your child doesn't end up graduating without knowing how to read or knowing other basic skills due to educational failings of your local schools.
45. Keep your child out of private schools that have peer pressure, teacher criticism, drugs, sex, and alcohol that your child never needs to be around
46. Avoid grading scales and testing that gives no positive benefit to your child
47. Not to give the state or federal government control of your child that they assume is theirs
48. To easily pass on your unique heritage or language to your child
49. So your child is not limited by "age" or "grade" to advance or explore academics in which they are interested or gifted
50. To teach your children to enjoy life
51. To allow your children to go to work with Mom or Dad when you all want--not just on the one "go to work with a parent holiday"
52. As many field trips as you want, to places that interest your child
53. To just take a day off when everyone feels like it
54. Flexibility to switch or experiment with different curriculum

Parents, if you are disgusted with public schools and want your children to have the great education they deserve, why not consider homeschooling? Millions of parents now homeschool their kids, and many of these parents are only high-school graduates.

Subscribe to the NewsWithViews Daily News Alerts! Enter Your E-Mail Address:

In the last three chapters of “Public Schools, Public Menace,” you’ll find many ways to homeschool your kids or use internet private schools, even if you work. Homeschooling can be a lot easier, and take a lot less time than you think. It can also bring you great joy in teaching your children.

© 2008 Joel Turtel - All Rights Reserved


P.S. I love my kid too much to put him through the public schools any longer, if I can POSSIBLY avoid it. Knowledge is power.

growth opportunity?

I'm typing even more slowly than usual. Have been since wednesday. Dr.s said it's not a stroke but I don't think I'm gonna take his word for it. Going tomorrow morning, Lord willing, to get another opinion. Mouth stopped drooping pretty quickly, but the left hand is all but worthless. Well, a tiny bit less so, today, but I might just be getting used to it. Meh.
God's got this.
ta ta for now
O.o

feeling a lot more Eeyore than Tigger

Clean and crazy...making amends

Recently I was over at my Mom's, cutting the eldest boys' hair. He decided to take this semester off of school, and so he's moved back in with her. Hopefully this will work out well for everyone.
So, in the process of hair-cutting, we got to talking about the band that he had playing in the other room, and he reminded me of an incident we had a few years back, where I destroyed a bunch of his cds. I had no recollection of this incident, as well as another involving some reading material of his, in which I threw a bunch of books away as well. I had NO memory of these things. That really bothered me.
I guess I'd had black-out rages before, but primarily they were limited to alcoholic blackouts. (It seems appropriate to mention now that my children have never seen me under the influence of anything mind-altering.) That being the case, it hurt me SO MUCH to think of how I railed and ranted against/on him. The only thing I remember from around that period, as far as my insanity/acting out, is a time when I had my boy pinned in a corner with my body, daring him to hit me, and using everything in me not to hit him. To his credit, he was never abusive to me. It was soon after that (those, I guess) incident that he went to live with my Mom.

Hearing about my behavior back then, even Clean and Sober, really shook me to the core. All I could think to say at the time he was telling me (Not to be hurtful, just saying what he remembered), was "I was really under a lot of stress then." And it was continual, and constant, for the 6 or 7 years we lived in "Crack Cental". The spirit of oppression in those apartments was really almost tangible. I guess that will have to go down in my life as one of the lowest points. I don't know if I was on medication at that time or not, but I guess that would be a reason for the extent of the outbursts, if I was not.
So, after I finished the haircut, I went home and cried and cried and cried. I sent my son a text saying that I did not remember those things and that I am SO very sorry for behaving that way. Of course he said "it's fine", but it's NOT. Knowing how his "dad" has emotionally abused him, and how the depression had kicked his butt (as a result of dad's bullying, I suspect), I KNEW that he didn't need an abusive, insane Mom. I told him that now I know why there's been such a separation between he & I, and that he was protecting himself from me, and I said that he was smart for that. A friend said that it could have been worse, etc., trying to comfort me, I guess, but I don't receive that. "At least I didn't" is a typical cop-out for people who aren't really trying to move forward. I mean, I know it's true, that it could have been MUCH worse, but that really doesn't make me feel any better. Wow.
I hope there won't be too many more revelations like this, but in the spirit of opening communication and working toward a mother-son relationship again, I'll ask, and he'll have opportunities to tell me what I did.
The feeling that comes back to me about those times, is that I was being JUST like my DAD. I have PTSD that was begun as a little child, as a result of my Dad's "parenting". My God, is that what I had become?
I knew that when we moved into that place, it was either there or a shelter, and it was the lesser of the two evils. I guess it was a rock & a hard place, but I couldn't have known the toll it would take on us.
I've had big regrets, from what I DID remember, but now I'll have more work to do. To find a way to stop hating myself, to forgive myself...to re-build a loving relationship with my now 20-year-old son. Guess I'd better get some step-work done.
Days like these send me running to the Mercy Seat.

He loves the Unlovable


 

So, how's your week been?